If you’re like most people, you’ve probably heard of BDSM, but you may not know the ins and outs of why BDSM has the reputation it does. For some it’s the root of the most toe-curlingly other worldly orgasm they’ve ever had, and for others it just simply may not be their cup of tea.
BDSM stands for bondage & discipline, dominance & submission and submission & masochism. It’s very much a blanket-term to describe a variety of both sexual and non-sexual activities. Some of these activities include:
- Impact play (spanking, whipping, paddling etc.)
- Discipline (punishment/rewards for obeying or disobeying instructions)
- Roleplaying (Boss/employee, teacher/naughty student etc.)
- Bondage (handcuffs, gags, ropes etc.)
- Edging, also known as orgasm control & denial
So what is the appeal?
Believe it or not being whipped, punished, talked down to and gagged are very real kinks for certain people, and for others it can be playing the role of the one dishing it out. The roleplaying aspect can be a form of escapism for some and open doors for a whole new way of exploring their sexual side, similarly it can be a release to relinquish the responsibility and control that can be a burden in their day-to-day lives.
BDSM can also facilitate a way for those who enjoy being controlling and dominant in the bedroom to express and enjoy that part of their sexual fantasies in a situation where it is consented to and desired by the recipient. It is incredibly important to understand that the dominant is responsible for the safety and well-being of the submissive, and that consent and an understanding of the acceptable limits is made. There is a very real difference between BDSM and abuse, but when there is no consent or acknowledgement of each other’s limits, that is when a sexual fantasy becomes a sexual nightmare.
How to Introduce BDSM Into a Relationship
Anyone who knows BDSM can tell you it’s not the simplest topic to bring up, you don’t know what reservations your partner may have about it, so here are a few ways to get you going.
The easiest way to first broach the subject is by waiting until they’re feeling aroused and horny. People have lowered inhibitions and can be open to new ideas while being in the moment, as opposed to being in a more sterile situation where it’s easier to put up walls and shy away from new things.
Once you’re at the point where they’ve shown interest, it’s all about baby steps and taking things one at a time. Try spanking before whipping, heels before full body latex suits because jumping straight into gags, blindfolds and chains can be straight up traumatic if they don’t even know whether they like being spanked.
Do you research, engage with someone you trust, and discuss pain thresholds, because BDSM isn’t about abuse and cruelty, it’s about back-arching, pillow biting orgasms that take your sexuality to a whole new level.
